im so tired

i did nothing yesterday. it was my moms birthday but she didnt want to do anything at all.

i kind of dont remember what all happened today. i watched the first half of  valkyrie. the movie. thats about it. video production was lowkey empty without my oomf. god its gonna be like that the rest of the year....

anyways after school me and a few friends had planned a mall trip. so we went (i was late by an hour because izzy was crazy distracted and literally did anything but get in her car) and then like me and sofie got ignored like almost the whole time and the two of us were convinced izzy and her other friend like. wanted us dead. nice!❤️ whatever. so the two of us went to the bathroom and like panicked and whatever but everuthing is okay now

this one is short and lazy ecause im kind of crazy tired and like a little nauseous okay. okay

EEK!

went to the mall ..got my hot topic order and got matching necklaces with my friend ill never see again..(lying). got rubber bracelets too MORE MORE MORE!!!!!! got CINNABON!!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️! got sushi for lunch. salmon and octopus sashimi and eel rolls FUCK UES and they plated it SO BEAUTIFULLY???? GOODNESS. one of the waitresses said i looked like the 2000s as a person and the other said she loves my skeleton gloves and we talked about the gerard way in my phone case. 

i encouraged my mom to get a blind box at hot topic and she just opened it. and she had one that she wanted on the box. AND SHE GOT IT!!!!!! WINNING. her birthday is tomorrow i need to make a card...goodness.

i lowkey love my outfit likw crazy what..hi. today is like the best day ever especially compared to the past week i NEEDED this bruh. im going to paint my nails tonight whos ready. its only 3pm as im writing this so i might add more later but. thats for.well. Later. you know. okay

burp

lowkey pissed this morning for no reason. my mom wouldnt shut up while we were in the car Mom its seven in the morning let me sit in silence pleasee. and then my necklace broke. okay. great. so now i need to find a replacement because i genuinely need a necklace i feel naked without one like i get stressed without one.

it was the last day for seniors which means a fat amount of my friends are jusy Gone. nice. except for the one that lied to me yesterday Shes going to be around for a minute. 

i had an Okay day i guess. the best thing today was lunch when i was talking with hera. my speech is lowkey bad i keep stuttering and i cant pronounce certain noises one after the other (a word that ends with s and then a word that starts with s for example. does this even make sense)

it smells like butt in here idk whats happening. idgaf. maybe something died in my house i just havent found it. i want my fucking hot topic order bruh. whatever man

uugh

a lot of people treat me like an afterthought ill be honest. i feel people think that i can accept and move on from a blatant lie right to my face but like im getting sick and tired of it.

i was kind of freaking the fuck out in video production earlier. thought i could edit and i sat down and immediately got crazy overwhelmed and i was hyperventilating and shit. CAN MY TEACHER JUST GIVE ME A ZERO!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!! i resorted to sneaking a pill and making myself dizzy just to keep myself away from editing for the rest of the class.

mcr dropped a deluxe edition of danger days on vinyl and like i almost freaked out. like twenty messages to my mom begging for it later and heh..consider it preordered. its approaching.

my irl said that if i ever need a ride that i should ask her. but not today apparently. like she'll drive others around but not me i guess. my hot topic order arrived today and i have seven days to get it and since they gave me a time limit that means i need it asap or ill actually kill myself IM TIME SENSITIVE IM ANXIOUSDD.and i messaged her and asked if she could take me to the mall. Ohh my car is dirty Oohh im cleaning my room Oohhh i dont have gas money sorry ooh man. Okay so then why did..you..??drive around with my brother?????you dont have gas money for something you promised to take me to get but you have gas money to go to fucking wawa and buy shit with my brother. right. this shit has happened a million times in honestly getting tired of it. stop walking in my room bud im like tempted to just Drop you if not for the occasional oxy you give me and the dogs at your house. literally whatever. when i get my permit i can finally drive around my little 2004 celica. it calls my name

whatever

up posting a load of gobbiltygook. my friend didnt show up despite saying she would and didnt message me ahain until After class saying that her dad didint bring her. okay ill just kill myself i guess. no three hours and thirty minutes of study hall without talking to anyone is okay. no im fine its okay braelynn dont even worry about me. not that you would to begin with. no i didnt spiral its okay. no its fine.😄

anyways the rest of the day was Okay. i made some tesselation thing for the rest of the day in geometry and i got my friend an ice cream shoutout the real ones like her. i made gerard way in her tomodachi life HE IS SO CUTE AW!!!!! we are friends in her island isnt thag cute and nice.

i just woke up from a nap. nobody gaf. im hungry as fuuuhhckkk and my piercing hurts whatever. in that mood where i dont know if any of my friends really like me or not. lowkey lost my clean streak today too because it got to me like crazy. not that i was too clean to begin with but i mean like Cutting wise i had been clean for like two or three weeks which was crazy to me. but nope some bullshit i made up ruined it..idgaf anymore. whatever. ill updatee this when i get food if i do

oohmygof

watched the boy in the striped pajamas. BOOO it felt less of like a movie trying to show a fraction of the pain from the holocaust and more like the director wanting to make a quick buck off of the worst genocide in human history. lowkey awful. the concept was there but the ending felt way too rushed. idk. whatever

my arm is sore for some reason. idk what happened. i want to take another buspirone. whatevrr. i feel like im jsut Here. i serve no purpose at all. all i do is steal oxygen from those that deserve it. nobody talks yo me and when they do im awkward and stupid and i sound like a dumbass. icant do anything at all. idgaf. idgaf. nobody should interact with me im a waste of time how do i have friends. but if nobody intrracts with me i start posting bullshit like this whining about it. ots fir the best nobody talks to me though even if i kill mtself over it or something. i want to od and just get it all done and over with. easier to move on if i kill myself now rather later. bruh ijusy cannnnyty take it anymooreeee😅😅😭😭😭😭😅😅😅i canñnntt icnantt😅😅😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 icnsnntt,😭😭😭😭

nothing new

three hour classes for sols today. i only had to do one this year #winning. itll probably catch up and bite my ass in the future but even then i wont be too overly concerned. wow theres finally a little crack on my screen it only took three years of no screen protector to finally get me

 been listening to a LOAD of danger days recently. like...nonstop. i love danger days. i want to be a killjoy deep down i know im one. the world today feels no different than their 2019 cali. ivebeen playing the kids from yesterday a lot too. because summer break is soon. feels fitting. my oomfiest oomf thats a senior is leaving for vcu too. upsetting. ill actually miss him like crazy but im playing it off nonchalant

took two buspirones earlier today and i thought i could handle it but like it hit like a train. one minute i was sitting upright the next i was slumped and half awake. fell asleep the rest of that class oops. next block i fell asleep. Again. its kind of worn off by rhis point and that makes me frown but i know taking more is having the witch pull my shoestrings. UNFORTUNATE!!!! cant even drink either id probably die like a beetle left in the sun. whatever man...

buuurrppp

some bullshit last night. lost a friend to their horrible groomer exfriend fly high i guess but that guys not changing. the guy literally groomed me infront of her just a week or two ago so like rip my piercings out while you talk to him i guess. SORRY for thinking this is the worst idea ever😭😭my bad for thinking this is a horrible idea sorry of holding different opinions😭😭😭😭oopsies i guess😭😭

whatever anyways i was drinking with my friend last night and he started playing outlast trials its kind of crazy when youre shitface i remember we spent like 80 minutes on that auction one it was so good. please play more for me jester PLEASE!!!! we're going to make killjoy ocs too YAY!

ordered a cute swimming outfit from hot topic too. my irl is having a pool party next month and she said that im like top three people she'll invite to everything THANK YOU FIA!!!!!!!! THATS OOMMFFF!!!!!!! ive been saving this bottle of bold rock that i stole for that day im actually kind of crazy excited for it my God i love my friends.